1. I woke up an hour before my class starts! I was really rushing. I didn't even get a chance to eat breakfast...

2. Good thing, my we were given a 10 min. break (first class!) so I was able to eat...

3. But then my teacher gave us a brain aching seatwork! Me and my group helped each other out. Thank God my "table mates" (lab mates.. or whatever you call them) were all nice. We teach each other whatever we know about the subject matter...

4. After 1st class, I headed to the photocopying center and had some "blank profiles" photocopied... then I texted my prof and ask her if we still have class.

5. I was waiting for her reply but she didn't text back so I thought that we won't have a class (they were at the Malacañang Palace!) so I decided to go home.

6. BUT as I was on my way home, my friend texted me and informed me that they were on their way back to school and we're going to have a class.

7. So I rushed back. It was hot... I got a cab. The cab driver scolded me for giving him lousy directions. I didn't know that we were heading at a really jammed road. whatever.

9. BROKE DOWN... in front of a friend (ok, our counselor... We TALKED and I CRIED and she finally learn that I'm uh... not straight. (-blushes-) It felt really good to know that someone understands what you've been going through. It was really a relief. ... then I went to my next class...

11. I did my readings ...and this line caught my attention: FAR TOO MANY PEOPLE ARE LOOKING FOR THE RIGHT PERSON, INSTEAD OF TRYING TO BE THE RIGHT PERSON... so true. I've been one of the people who are looking for the ONE. tsk!

12. I finally had the courage to delete all my x's text messages in my inbox. My inbox has been always almost out of space since we broke up because I didn't want to miss her "lovey dovey" messages. It was a hard move especially because I am a very sentimental person (I keep candy wrappers, tissues, concert tickets and even bus tickets!). So... uh... "Congratz Cleo! You are really improving!" HA!

13. I went online. Finally got to talk with my closest of all close friends. We didn't see each other in school. She was absent. I told her about me "snapping" and breaking down at the least expected moment. THen she suddenly told me that she was supposed to talk to me yesterday. She felt that something has been really disturbing me. She's getting so much "vibes" from me. It was quite a shock when she told me that. My blockmates were even asking me if I'm ok. I didn't think that they could actully feel me. I've been joking around and laughing with them all the time and yet... they can just see right through me.

14. I called at the beautiful stranger's house (yes... the person I uh... oh you know!) and her best friend picked up... told me that she's out. I've been waiting for her text the whole day... yes, literally the whole day. She hasn't texted til now. It's not that I'm demanding (oh, NO. NOPE) for her to text me, I just miss her today. Seems like our "friendship" is deteriorating. Well, that's how I feel. She's changing - fast and it's one of the the factors that spins my head (and also my heart) lately.

15. I should be sleeping but until now, me and my friend's conversation (and also Ms. Aizle's wise words...) is still playing in my mind...and it kept me thinking...

...There are lots of things that I could not control. I'm very down at the moment. I am frustrated. I am helpless. I can't control these emotions and they're all clashing inside me. I am confused. I am all mixed up. I feel so alone. Everything's just negative right now. I feel used. I am misunderstood. I am taken for granted. I am down in the dumps!

BUT

I don't want to stay this way. I don't want to depend on people for my happiness (Thanks to Ms. Aizle!). I want to be assertive! I want to conquer all my fears. I don't want to hold back and I don't want to miss everything that is in front of me right now. I don't want to let go of this life. I want to learn more. There's still hope and I AM STILL HOPING. I will be empowered! I will do better. I will not be good because I will be great. I will be stronger. I will be wiser. I will accept the things that I cannot change. I will beat depression. I will beat the anxiety. I will be loved (more!). I will not be pissed. I will let go of anger. I can forgive and for sure I will learn to forget.

I don't want to let myself down.

I guess I am saying all these stuff because I'm really trying my best to feel better. I'm the only one who can make myself happy. Although I feel left behind by the people that I love, I'll look at it as a challenge - even a blessing. I know I'll be stronger because of all these. I'll be more patient. I will know when to let my head decide and when to let my heart take over. "I'm still breathing!" ... that's what I always tell myself. I will be forever hoping for things to be better but at the same time, I know that I will work my way in accepting the facts that even time can't change. I am hurting... oh... yes I am... but I am really learning - that's what is important.

Tomorrow's a new day. I know ... somehow, I'll still be hurting but I don't want to waste another day making a fuss about all the issues that I am faced with. Tomorrow springs another "HOPE". Tomorrow... will be hard (or even harder than today) . Tomorrow I am given another chance to RIGHT ALL MY WRONGS, to be the BEST THAT I CAN BE, to be a PRINCESS OF MY OWN SELF, to CLAIM MY WORTH...

Tomorrow (and the following days to come) will be almost perfect. Trust me, I just know.