Reality Check!
Wednesday, April 16, 2008 Straight TALK I finally came up with the decision that I would like to be straight – a certified hetero. I haven’t been in a relationship for almost 3 years now and I barely went out on a date (of any kind). The time that I have spent solely for myself gave me a clearer view on what I really wanted to do with life. I don’t want to grow old alone; I want stability in my relationships. I want to be accepted by the society. It’s a given fact that sexuality does not choose heart aches. We meet interesting people everyday. If lucky, we hop into a relationship with them. We experience the feeling of being in paradise and then one day we open our eyes and just realize that we can no longer work things out with them because of reasons – certain reasons. Even though I have perceived relationships in this way, I have noticed that hetero relationships have bigger chances of surviving (please correct me if I am wrong). I know being “straight” will not make things easier. I think looking for a partner in the "straight world" is a lot difficult than the usual hooking up in my well experienced gay world. But if this is one of the few ways of being in a stable and well accepted relationship, then I will do it. I am actually doing it - being straight and all. I got different reactions when I announced this. Some were happy and others were disappointed. I'm happy though. Quite happy with myself and yeah, sometimes frustrated. -- Frustrated by the fact that the male species don't think I am attractive. hehe I'd like to make it clear that I'm not turning my back from the gay world. I'd like to keep all the friendships that I've established. I learned a lot in Queers' land and I hope to take these learnings with me as I step into this new territory. I don't know if I'm going to stay like this my entire life. I'm only 22 and for sure there are a lot more experiences waiting for me.You're all welcome to test my being un-gay --- be the "record breaker" (as what my sister calls it)--- I'm up for the challenge. :) 
Tuesday, April 08, 2008 Clearly, in this society there is a big gap between the elite and the mass. Inevitable situations arise when the elite percieves the poor as opportunists while the poor finds the elite snooty and hard to reach. I feel sad and somehow desperate that one day I might like someone who is of a higher class. I've witnessed friends and relatives (yes, sadly.. my relatives) having a mind built with barriers of riches and social status. I'm starting to worry whether someday I'll be able to cross that barrier and triumphantly see the genuine selves of these privileged minority. I'm sure at least one of them has a chaste character.
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