Reality Check!


Thursday, March 30, 2006

Photographs

I keep a lot of photographs. All of which captured a moment - a moment from which I was not there with her. I look at it when I miss her, when I am stressed, when I am happy, when I want to talk to her, when I can’t sleep at night, when I study, when I eat… when I breathe. Each photograph has her cute and childlike face. Her eyes glisten out of each picture with much expression. Her smile communicates contentment and mystery. Each photo has its own style. There was one taken when she was at the beach, another one at her place, another one at the games, and the others I do not know where she has taken those shots. Each photograph has its own story. One was taken after a game and another was when she was out with her friends. I do not know her name but it probably sounded so angelic.
I stare at her pictures every time that I can as I imagine us being in the same captured moment. I am not a stalker; I am just haunted by her anonymity. We met twice although no one dared to acquaint us. I remember that night, the first time we met, she gazed at me as I was leaving the place. She looked at me intently as if to say something while I failed to drop words that might have marked me in her heart.
The second time I met her, I was about to enter the place while she was about to leave. Still no one dared to introduce us. My heart sank in silence as that night darkened. I faked a smile at everybody and even to her. I wanted so much to talk to her but the scenario worked against me. I was able to drop some lines but not to her… to someone else although I did not wish to seize that person’s heart.
And now that I am writing this, I realized that I have lost that moment forever. No camera can capture back that moment, the only moment that was given to us. If only I had done something about it, then there would have been lesser walls or no walls at all that stand between us, and I could have really been with her in those photographs.

Posted by Thinker :: 9:39 PM :: 0 Comments:

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Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Loooooooong Day

1. Me and my friends had a great time at Candy's place...
- we cried
- we laughed
- they danced
- we talked
- we ate a lot!!!
- had Honey's screw that got us all wild and tipsy

2. Confirmed: Speed has a girl. Lucky bitch.

3. Uncle sucks.... as usual.

4. Tonight is soooooooo hot.

Posted by Thinker :: 11:01 PM :: 0 Comments:

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Tuesday, March 21, 2006



There are a lot of things that I chose to hide from everyone.
There are a lot of things that I want to tell you.
Why?
Because I thought that you will understand.
But...
I guess I don't know you anymore.
And as much as I want to turn away from you...
after nine whole months... I'm still here... Loving you in silence.
Nobody told me that it would be this hard.
It has been a mixture of laughter and tears.
I have been asking myself why?
Why should I go through this pain?
Is losing you not painful enough?
Nothing's left of me.
And now, she is trying to get something from my nothingness.
Can't you see that we treated you differently?
Maybe all you can see is that she is way better than I am.
Even if I'm going through all this,
I have nothing against you...
Just my love...
my worn out love...
my undying love that has been long due its death.

Posted by Thinker :: 9:02 PM :: 0 Comments:

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Sunday, March 19, 2006

When--

When...
I...
think about my thesis...
see something yellow and black...
smell kfc's chicken...
shop for pair of sunglasses...
find myself looking for a pair of slippers...
view "All My Life"...
comb my hair...
am desperate...
check out new restaurants...
eat a nice dish...
eat seafood at night...
check my friendster account...
want to play Uno Stacko...
crave for beef teriyaki...
want to cuddle...
shave my eyebrows...
breathe...
... I remember her.
Every scene that flashes...
Sends me back to an old story...
A tale I tried to forget...
A tale that once was real...
It was a tale about us.


I am still dead... yes, after nine months.

Posted by Thinker :: 1:55 AM :: 0 Comments:

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Wednesday, March 15, 2006

FUCK THESIS

=(


Fuck it.



Fuck.




I hate it when I'm being responsible.





I hate it when I want to be the best.





It stresses me out.






Fuck, this is making me insane.

Posted by Thinker :: 11:25 PM :: 0 Comments:

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Monday, March 13, 2006

Hours before the defense

r3nz3l: i know u can do it. just believein yourself. malakas ang bilib ko sayo at malaki ang tiwala ko na makakaya mo yan. magaling ka.. hindi yan joke... marami ka ng nalagpasana kaya wala na lang yan defense na yan.. u should know that i'm always always here for you... i'm praying for the all the peeps... kaya natin tong lahat! kaya mo yan! i love you cleo... GOOD LUCK and CONGRATULATIONS!
(3/12/06 11:59pm)



*I am lost for words... even until now.

Posted by Thinker :: 1:03 AM :: 0 Comments:

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