Reality Check!
Sunday, January 27, 2008 Boredom. Boredom. I feel weird. Ever since i started working, I don't really feel like interacting much with people (except if it's business related). I think it's bad. Lately, I've been buying stuff to compensate on some things. It's my birthday tom. and it feels like it's just any other normal day. I sort of missed dating but I'm in a "no commitment" mode. Maybe I should get laid or something. hehe I just feel so lazy to do things. My plan of putting up a business is still a plan. My plan of changing my whole wardrobe is still a plan. My plan of applying for a better job is still a plan. What the hell happened to me? mmm.. I have to fix myself right away. I'm already 22 tom. -sigh- boredom. boredom. boredom. 
Saturday, January 26, 2008 - sigh - I miss Squish. -bow- A part of me wants to spend my birthday with her.. while the other half.. I don't know.. wants to be alone. It's prolly because I used to spend my birthday with HP (who is now milessssss away from me..) and it's sort of our tradition to eat at tsoko.nut and have a good laugh about all that happened for the past year. I think I'll sort of feel guilty if I spend my day with someone else. But I don't know. mmm.. ...bottomline is... I miss HP and Squish.
Sunday, January 13, 2008 Have you ever felt like you’re supposed to be flattered but you actually feel the exact opposite? Well, not really the exact opposite but you know… just not having a positive feeling about a certain thing that should be flattering (senseless!!). It’s probably just a conversation with a friend. She was telling me about some things and I shared my opinion. And I guess in the end of our choppy conversation, I sort of got irritated because she kept on defending Ms. Patriot (the object of my abhorrence!). Well, what can I do? My friend really likes the girl. I guess this is just a bit new. I mean, I know she likes other people but I’ve never seen her defend someone like that. I’m just being cautious because I care for her. I’m just trying to protect her. Segue—I suddenly remember back in college when my bestfriend, HP, protected me against a certain someone that I liked. She had always thought that the person is bad news and I so stubbornly defended that person. It turned out that that person is not really good enough for me and I’m just blinded by the fact that I like her. I know my story is so much different from my friend’s but… whatever. Going back – I guess I’m just taken aback by the way my friend defended Ms. Patriot. I don’t know what to feel; it’s not the nicest feeling. It’s a mixture of disbelief, jealousy, and annoyance. --- Especially when she told me that she thinks she should screen the things that she’s going to share with me. Ok. Then maybe she should just share everything with smarty ass Ms. Patriot. They’ve known each other for the LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONGEST time. It’ll do her just about all the good things in the world! (I can’t believe that while I’m doing this, I feel a lot worse. I’m getting so annoyed just by thinking about these things) I absolutely don’t like the idea that Ms. Patriot and I have some similarities. Maybe I’m too judgmental. She might be a nice person but ever since I kind of disliked it when people tell me that I remind them of someone (attitude wise) or an unknown person and I have some similarities. I don’t mind being branded as weird, odd, or unusual--- I’ll take it as a compliment as long as I get to preserve my mark (Damn, I’m bad trip nga. Ang yabang ko na e.) …ok… …calm down… My head is throbbing. Mmm… Be rational, caeyo. Be rational. I think I can’t do anything. If my friend really wants to hang out or be closer to Ms. Patriot then I’ll just let her be. It’s her choice. I can only say/do so much. Even if I piss myself off the whole night, in the end it’s still going to be her choice. And as a friend, I just have to respect it. I just hope that Ms. Patriot (and Ms. Beleibt – another friend) will pay the same respect to her. I’m now drawing the line here __________________________________________________________. I’m trying to think straight but I can’t deny the fact that I got hurt when my friend told me that she thinks she should screen the things that she’s going to share with me. I’m insulted. She sort of let me feel that I’m not such a good friend to her. I may be mia and masungit but at least I’m trustworthy (proud to say that I am!). I’m bitchy and blunt but I don’t push for informations that don’t concern our FRIENDSHIP. I’m so hurt that I feel like crying and I don’t fucken want to talk about it.
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