Reality Check!
Wednesday, August 31, 2005 Covers My cousin from Jersey just left yesterday and he asked me to make an account in myspace. GUESS WHAT? I found out that the medical intern I've been crushing also has an account there. I saw his picture and I can now really recall what he looks like. Well... I honestly don't find him handsome or even cute. I don't like his nose and I certainly don't like his muscular body (yeah, it ticks me off!) BUT he's really friendly and he likes my mom... my mom likes him too. I have no plans of adding him in myspace. nope... no way. I'll just wait for him to find me ... errr... that is if he's ever interested in finding me! hahahah! ...Here I am again... crushing. Well, I have learned my lesson. I don't want to take these things seriously. Being single is ... fine. I can do stuff that I want... wear whatever... have more time for myself... and ... I can date lotsa people. LOL As IF! Anyway, let's go serious. Honestly, my life's still a mess. Though everyone sees me in a better condition... I am still a mess. I have not really learned to control myself. I'm trying to ESCAPE from me. At times, I'm still scared to be alone because for sure... when I'm left alone... my mind will wander off and I might feel the pain again. This time, I don't know the next stupid thing that I'll do. She still haunts me. She still occupies a big space in my heart and all these weeks, I have only been trying to cover it. Stupid as it may seem... but I still want to see her... hug her... and tell her that she's forgiven. It's funny... how can you tell someone that you've forgiven her when she doesn't even know that she has hurt you? mmmm. I'm still trying to get a grip of my life. I have become very lazy ever since all these "tragic" incidents happened. I have to pull up my grades - they're so low. I am just not inspired to work hard again. All I know is I want to enjoy life... be happy. Every time I do schoolwork... it's just not the same anymore. I can't find meaning in all these that I am doing. I'm trying though.... really hard. 
Thursday, August 25, 2005 I was happy when I found out that I got 97 out of 100 in one of my tests... but then... guess what? I failed another test! GEEZE! I think I only got 69! HELL! Anywayz, all's done. Let's move on... Lotsa "unexpected" stuff happened today... LIke... our dean asked me to lead the usherettes tomorrow and on Saturday. I have to strategize, brief the usherettes, give directions and all that. ...Tomorrow, my mom's going to school. Can't believe she'll be attending the honor's assembly. Wow... I'm finally gettin the "support". ...GUESS WHAT? I gut a pup! yuP! I named her... PETTIE PATSIE. geeze, whatta name no? Oh well, I got the "pettie" from my every deary stuff animal "PETTIE STEADY"... and Patsie... from my first ever GUY crush in 8 years (HA! beat that!)... waaaaaaaaaaH! oh well, it's nothin serious. =P ...I finally submitted my sample works for ASSUMPTA. ... It's the AC literary magazine. Hope they'll accept me. ...mm... wut else? Oh, the person me and my sis were crushing.. is a good friend of my ka MU before. geeze! ...oh... I'm missing the beautiful stranger. I just remember some stuff she told me about life and shit. She was pretty tough but I really learned a lot from her. Sucha nice friend. ...Me and sammie.. we became quite "close" again. Well... Sammie's just a friend. A real good one. It's proven. ... I still miss ohel at times... ok... I miss her everyday. But I guess I've accepted the stuff that happened so it doesn't hurt THAT much anymore... only a bit. hehe! ...as for me... I'll be studying my butt off for the second half of this semester. Make up for all the quizzes I failed (imagine! I was crying while taking some of those quizzes! golly geeze! talk about depressioN!)... and try to live a better life... and mm... establish a stronger bond with my family... enjoy my friends... enjoy my being young... and uh... get a boyfriend? like a... uh... medical intern who's about to graduate in a month's time? HAHAHA! CMON MAMON! JUST KIDDING! :P
Friday, August 19, 2005 I'm soooooo tired. I've been up til morning almost everyday since I just took my midterm exams this week. WHEW! At last it's finished (except for a subject I so hate!). I immediately texted one of my friends when I finally got out of the school. I just want to hang out with them. I didn't want to go home yet... Golly! I missed them! Ever since I got home from the hospital, me and my friends weren't able to TALK. I have been busy fixing my papers, permit and all that shit. mmm.. I'm quite ok now (as compared to before). I still get lonely at times but I guess it's just normal. Thing's around here (house) are just fine. Finally, we're all trying to compromise and change. Speaking of change, I finally decided to "straighten up". I'm trying to focus on myself more. There's a lot to improve about me. First is... school. I wasn't able to pay much attention to it ever since my stupid break up happened. Second is... well.. the way I look! harhar! I was so caught up minding people that I've forgotten about me... the way I look, the way I think.. the way.. oh just me! Third is... my relationship with other people. I haven't been minding my old friends (and even my friends in school). I was so caught up with my problems. mmm... BPI's system sucks! and uh... oh! I was fixing my stuff and I found a piece of paper... here are some of the stuff written there.. :) wactchatink about me? thank you... (i think I used this in one of our homeworks in the0) - kalog, really hardworking, galing na blockrep, goodfriend -simple lang, maraming ideas - very responsible and trustworthy and un lang... sobrang sarap tumawa - very independent, industrious/hardworking, a good leader (blockrep), cool & astig pumorma (ayos!) - fashionista =), responsible, speaks her mind out, fights for what she believes in, hardworking, makulit =) - (from pau) responsible, seryoso, trustworthy,bait, pranka like me, a leader - (from candy) responsible, trustworthy, leader *...grabe. 3F1&3F2 I love you! Thank you talaga. You've been there for me all the time! I am at the beginning of a new chapter. I don't want to end this story... I don't want try ending my story again. :)
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