Reality Check!
Thursday, January 27, 2011 My birthday tomorrow and a ring I was surprised when he gave the ring. We were casually scanning some books at the store when he pulled out something from his left pocket and gave me the ring. It was a silver ring and it was just the right fit. I was surprised. I think I said that already. The ring was silver - a typical wedding ring with something carved inside it. The ring was simple.. it was ok.. but the carved name and date made it special. :) "CHOY 09 04 20" That was what it said. Even though I'm a sucker for extravagant gifts, this simple ring makes me want to look forward and focus on the future. It made me scared and hopeful. It made me nervous and excited. It made me smile. :) Once again, I realized that the best things in life are often not wrapped with glittery papers nor colorful ribbons. The best things in life comes in simple packages.. sometimes it's not even placed inside a small box. Sometimes it's just out there waiting for everyone to see it's goodness. Meeting him made me realize a lot of things about life and about myself. I know I am reflective but to actually see and experience another side of life is just... SOMETHING. :) All the while I thought I am that great but during the time we started this friendship I learned that there's so much I have to learn. I feel like a child when I'm with him. A carefree child who's not mindful of how silly she looks even with a missing front tooth or an undone hair. I am happy with the friendship. I am thankful that we became good friends. Hopefully lifetime partners in the future. :)  This is my ideal ring. I prefer wedding ring and engagement ring in gold. :) For wedding ring, I'd like it to be thick and seemingly masculine. No designs or whatsoever. Weird I know.  Saw this while net surfing. Can you believe it? This is a wedding ring!! This one is cool.. there's a hidden message in between the ring.  This is how it looks like when the 2 sides of the ring are together. Tomorrow is my birthday!! YEHeY! :D Sing Sing Sing for me! :D 
Tuesday, January 18, 2011 Rossetti looked them over carefully. After the first few, he knew that they were worthless, showing not the least sign of artistic talent. But Rossetti was a kind man, and he told the elderly man as gently as possible that the pictures were without much value and showed little talent. He was sorry, but he could not lie to the man. The visitor was disappointed, but seemed to expect Rossetti’s judgment. He then apologized for taking up Rossetti?s time, but would he just look at a few more drawings – these done by a young art student? Rossetti looked over the second batch of sketches and immediately became enthusiastic over the talent they revealed. “These,” he said, “oh, these are good. This young student has great talent. He should be given every help and encouragement in his career as an artist. He has a great future if he will work hard and stick to it.” Rossetti could see that the old fellow was deeply moved. “Who is this fine young artist?” he asked. “Your son?” “No,” said the old man sadly. “It is me – 40 years ago. If only I had heard your praise then! For you see, I got discouraged and gave up – too soon.” --Unknown
Thursday, January 13, 2011 I don't know if you'll ever get to read this but anyway, here it goes. I'm lucky that we have met and we became good friends. Remember when I told you that I'd rather stay as your friend? It's because I think what we have is already great. I guess I just don't want to lose a good friend like you. I'm happy that even though we've fought millions of times, you still haven't given up our friendship. I think that between the two of us, I think you're nicer. :) I'm happy that you visited me in the hotel the last time. I was able to see a different side of you. You seemed a lot happier and friendlier (heheh!). I know you enjoy teasing me and making me annoyed but yeah.. I'll put up with it this time. hehe.. Thank you Squish. mwah! :)
Tuesday, January 11, 2011 I think I've gotten frustrated even more. Sometimes no matter how prepared you think you are, you can never really be prepared enough. I've been online the whole day trying to look for diversions. I wanted so much to talk to someone. I want anyone to listen and be with me the whole day and just assure me that it will all be fine. Someone who'll tell me that accidents happen, you'll definitely feel pain but like time, the pain passes as well. I wish someone will tell me that it's ok to be scared because I'm not alone and I'll never be alone.
Monday, January 10, 2011 Tonight's not so ok. My injuries hurt and I can barely eat. I had an argument with my mom and I feel bad for being such a coward. Maybe some people were born with high pain tolerance maybe some (like me) are not. In a few days, I'll be meeting the dentist and I have a good feeling that tomorrow I will have to undergo another xray. I'm scared and I have no one to share this fear with. I have no one but you tonight. I don't feel like sharing this to my friends because they're all kind of busy right now. Some are in the gym, some are with their families, some don't really care. I appreciate my dad a lot because he understands how hard my situation is. I'm still grateful that I continuously witness his goodness. I'm worried about a lot of things apart from my health. I worry about work and all the things that needed to be done. To be honest, I'm kind of tired. Please give me the strength and courage to carry on. I am only good in helping others but I am not so good in helping myself. :( Thank you for giving the means to vent this out even through blogging. Although I don't really get a direct feedback, writing it down eases the piled up anxiety in me. Sometimes I miss talking to a counselor or therapist. Even though I'm paying them to talk to me, at least I know they're there to do their job - to listen to me. Maybe I just need someone who'll listen without judging me. god. Help me. I'm scared. :(
Saturday, January 08, 2011 I don't really feel like writing down how I look like because it makes me sad just thinking about it. The thought that I need to undergo some things really scares me. I'm not blaming me or anyone for the accident. I just think it's meant to happen. I've discovered a lot of things after the accident and I became more grateful of the littlest of good things that are happening to me right now. I've never appreciated people that much but yes, it's a turning point I do appreciate a lot of them now. I think I found my safest place after losing it 5 years ago. I discovered that someone can actually stop my tears from falling. It's a nice and warm feeling knowing that I found my safest place back. And even though I'm not in my best condition right now, I am thankful that God gave me a chance to live and see the goodness in people. It might seem untimely to say this, but yes.. I think I may be in love and because of the difficult situation that we're in, I choose not to tell him. He'll know probably later on. I don't really like the line "I have fallen in love with you" because it makes things seem accidental. Well, love for me has always been a choice. For the past months, I've been trying to get that lovey dovey thought out of my head although my actions clearly show it. But now, yes.. I'm going to finally admit it to myself- I choose to Love once again. I don't know where this will take me but I want to take it slowly. I would like to enjoy the friendship that we have. Pure acceptance, respect and friendship. Yeah.. friendship. I'd like to start from there. That night was just full of revelation. I learned a lot things from him which were supposed to make me feel surprised but yes... Surprisingly.. I just think it's normal and fun. At least I know he's not boring. hehehe.. Well, it's a different story if he does stuff like that at his current age (hoping that he lessened his adventurous side). Right now.. I would say I'm scared but that thought that I can finally rely on someone (other than my family and my college friends) comforts me. God, please don't send me any more challenges. Let it rest for a while. I'm trying to fight my fears right now. And.. yes, thank you for the biggest blessing you given me. Thank you.
Saturday, January 01, 2011  Hello 2011! I can't help but feel nostalgic today. I tried to wake up as early as I can and ended up leaving bed at around 8:30AM. I wanted to start the day right. Well.. I started the day by working. Yes, you read it right.. I brought home some work. Happy 2011!It's been 5 years since I started this blog.. turning 6 years actually. I don't know if people are still reading this. What's your 2011 resolution? I have 2 things in mind. First-- get my butt of and share my talents (whatever those are). I mean, try not to be timid about it. Second -- try not to take work seriously (Work is merely something you need to make a living). The second one is kinda hard for me especially since office work almost always takes the oxygen out of my system. I swear I'll make a way to stop rambling about it and dabble into what I really want to do in my life - which is anything arts related and not a 9-5pm job related. You might not want to hear this from me (again!) but I am dreading work on MONDAY! I realized why I don't like working there anymore and it sounds kinda lame but one of the major contributing factors is my "next door neighbor". I wouldn't want to expound on it but yeah.. there. It'll be better I know. I'm sure of it. *trying hard to think positive* I'm going out tomorrow. Pamper myself and stuff. Will be tyring out a new hair color- a lighter one perhaps.. also a haircut. I'm planning on buying some good stuff for myself-- like prolly a pair of office shoes. We'll see. Definitely I'll be attending mass tomorrow. Yeah, you heard it right! Attend mass! :P For the past year, I don't think I haven't really attended one. Maybe it's because I'm afraid to get closer to him. Sometimes he tests you. ..But then I do believe in him. It feels good to write down all these thoughts. Everyone seems to be extremely busy about their families and I couldn't feel the existence of any single friend I have. :( yes. Oh well.. at least I have this blog anyway.
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