I feel sick. Well, I’m actually sick. I have fever (just caught a fever when I got home!) and I also got a sore throat. My head’s killing me. I’m just tired. I just got home from Makati. Yes, I went to school. I got school even during Saturdays. It’s not that I don’t like going to school, I’m just tired and down. I’m really trying my best to be happy. Happiness comes from within. Oh… I don’t know. My thoughts are just so disorganized right now. It’s hot tonight and it’s making me feel even weaker.

I slept late last night (or should I say this morning?). I was talking with the beautiful stranger. It’s funny how we can talk over the phone for hours but she hardly texts me (first!) for the past days. I guess I should take it as a sign. Right? She did not text me today. Not a single message. I sent her a message this morning when my friend and I were watching a movie. She didn’t reply. No nothing. Whatever man! You know, she makes me happy. She can make me forget about my issues and all that… but there are times (like now) when I really feel that I’m unwanted. Am I really unwanted? Am I just a “project” or a “collectible”? OR Am I just being too sensitive?

I’m feeling kind of down. Last night, my parents were bugging me about Kuting. They were asking a lot of questions about her. They’re quite worried about her health and all other stuff. My parents like her. I just don’t know how to tell them that Kuting’s out of my life. We text at times… but that’s very seldom and whenever she sends me a message, it’ll be something bitter. She told me that she’s already moving on. I honestly don’t know if I’ll feel glad, relieved or sad when I read that message. Maybe it’s because I didn’t want “us” to end this way.

I’ve been trying really hard to show everyone that I’m ok. I am so not ok. I just want to feel loved right now. I want to forget about all the pressures. Family problems and other shitz. I don’t feel like going home. It makes me more lonely when I’m at home. I feel like people here don’t really understand (Well, I don’t actually expect them to understand since they don’t really know what I’m going through right now…). I just want to forget all the shitz.

It’s a good thing I have my friends. I forget all the pains whenever I’m with them. I really try my best to laugh, joke around and tell them stories of whatever “happy” happenings. I don’t want them to see me as a very MELANCHOLIC person (wenk! Well, I am really a depressive person but I don’t want them to … like… stop hanging out with me because I’m just so gloomy and full of problems. Got that?). I’m trying my best to be strong and I’m just scared because I know I am close to breaking down.