Reality Check!
Thursday, December 30, 2010 Can you say good bye to YESTERDAY? 2010 is about to end in a few hours and I'm excited for the new year to come. I'm officially saying good bye to yesterday. I'll try as much as I can to cherish what's happening today and worry less about tomorrow. I'll try *crosses fingers* Here's a nice video. :) --Caeyo 
Monday, December 27, 2010 I woke up early today because I have to buy some stuff for the Charity Event tomorrow. It's going to be one hell of a day and I can feel it. My heart is pounding fast and my shoulders feel heavy. Work definitely stresses me. What to do? I've to keep my job and take it one day at a time. Someday I will free myself from the corporate world. Just wait and see. It has been a habit to visit his blog almost every month because it never fails to inspire the reader. He's one of the lucky few who didn't have to exert effort to get to where he is. He doesn't have to work hard at all but he pushes his self to the limits almost every time. He used to dreamy and all that but his magic doesn't work on me anymore. I still look up to him but I see him now as a person. Like me, I know he's also human. He's one of the few people who taught me to value time. I wonder what will happen to me 6 months from now. I can barely see a good future in the hotel. Maybe because I'm not learning. Apart of me is scared to leave as it will cause me another adjustment. I've also become dependent on a gooood friend there (a reason to stay and not to stay). Separations of any kind burns me like fire. I just have to aim higher and move forward. Think and believe that there is absolutely no barrier between me and my goals. From this day on Caeyo, treat your dreams as GOALS. It makes your dreams attainable that way. 
Sunday, December 26, 2010   Can I have the best of both worlds? I can never leave the city but I dream of having a peaceful life.
Saturday, December 25, 2010 Christmas is over and I'm looking forward to New Year. Spent Christmas with my family and I'm pretty much contented with the "solemn" celebration that we had. I think I've matured. It was the first xmas that I felt happy and contented by the fact that my family is with me and that I'm given 4 days off from work (this one is actually a big dealbecause I'm hating WORK! hehehe for the fuckin nth time!). Even though xmas is over, I still haven't figured out what I wanted-- material wise. I like a lot of things but somehow I know it doesn't really matter if I have them or what. If given a christmas wish, I want to spend xmas in another country -- probably in Japan. hehe I even asked a goooood friend if we can spend xmas there. Crazy I know! hehehe I have this endless feeling that I just want to get away. I've been looking at fashion blogs not just because of the clothes these people are wearing but I envy the FREEDOM that they all seem to have. Even though they're normal people who have normal jobs, they exude an aura of being accepted for who they are. Looking at my life, I've worked hard to fit in and silenced my rebellious self because I have a feeling that it is somehow destructive/dangerous to the people I value. Now that I'm writing this down, it's actually a long time since I've really shared a piece of myself again in cyberspace. I'm looking forward to freeing myself a bit more in the coming year. I am a prisoner to my own self. I know I have tons of choices but I decided to stay in my own built prisoner cell. It's going to take some time I guess. I'm taking it 6 months at a time... Me-- feeling so grown up and acting so grown up in my inhibited job... 
Tuesday, December 14, 2010 - Martha Mason A disappointing thing happened tonight. Money is not a problem-- it's the trust-- the friendship. Wish I could tell you more but I'd rather skip on the details. I find it unfair. I kept mum about it several times since she's a friend but I never thought that keeping my mouth shut would actually encourage the person to treat me this way. I feel like I'm being fooled. Maybe I am.. Maybe I'm not. I'll keep my mouth shut and give what she wanted but SHE LOST OUR FRIENDSHIP FOREVER. When we were younger, I already saw some patterns of her behavior but I just ignored it. I never expected that she'd treat me this way. I feel like she used my weakness just to make money. :( I feel bad not because of the money but because of the deed. :( I'll just keep my mouth shut, and stay away from her. Bad Karma will get her. :/ tsk tsk... "An Ye Harm None, Do What Ye Will"
Sunday, December 05, 2010  I wonder how it feels to travel the world or visit another country with my family? It has always been a dream. If given enough budget, I would bring my family to Jersey so she can see his brother and the rest of the family. When I was younger I hoped for the his brother to buy us plane tickets so we can visit them. It never happened. Will I ever get to treat my mom to some fancy place? :) Life was never easy but nobody told me that it can get very very hard. While the others are listing their Christmas wishlist, I'm wishing for a better paying job and a less stress work environment. While sleeping, I woke up twice. The first was when I suddenly remembered a very important matter that I needed to email-- I realized that I was able to email it. I tried to go back to sleep, but I guess the sudden gush of adrenaline really woke me up and I couldn't put myself to sleep anymore. The second time was when I dreamt about my old boss and she was very mean to me. It was sort of like a nightmare where in someone in my dream betrayed me. These happened in one night. As much as I want to calm myself and think beyond work, I just can't. There's so much to do and it's overwhelming. People may say that it's just work. You leave things behind when you leave the office. It's December. I wonder what to do next. My head is aching like hell. If someone can give me plane tickets to go somewhere else for a vacation, that'll make me happy. I guess what I'm trying to say is, I badly needed a vacation. I don't care if it's a trip to Italy, Thailand or Hawaii for as long as people in my office can't get in touch with me. ..then I'm happy.
Friday, December 03, 2010 It rained after we ate. I was so full that I just wanted to sleep in the cab. ..and now I wonder.. will I ever get to go home - alone - this late - again? Sorry for my grammar. I'm really sleepy right now but I'm trying to document my thoughts before I go to sleep. It feels great to have a friend who'd stay by your side despite of whatever shits you do. At times the friendship upsets me but then most of the time I'm thankful about it. It has kept me sane for some months already. It feels safe going home and knowing that you're not going to go home alone. For some reason, I don't feel alone tonight and I'm thankful. I know I've mentioned it already but I'm thankful. Saw these pictures in google images:   I'm happy but I'm already dreading the day when I'd have to visit this place by myself once again.
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