A letter to a tour guide from a traveler

My tourist guide,
I have tried to talk to you today because I want to find out answers but you were too drunk to even think. I was crazy looking for answers that might actually satisfy all my queries. I don’t know where all these questions are leading. I just want to know all that I need to know.
We’ve shared only a few but quality moments together and I’ve always enjoyed your company. I’ve always treasured every time spent with you. It was like a dream come true. I am at peace whenever I seem to make you smile, hold you in my arms and just deeply look into your eyes. Every prayer… every effort, it was all worth it.
Have I ever told you that I love the way you hold my hand every time we cross the street? Or how amused I am whenever you throw your witty remarks? Do you know that whenever we embrace each other I always had to stop myself from crying? Why? It’s because I am happy that I could not even ask for more. I like it when you look back at me whenever you’re about to leave. It makes me feel safe. It makes me feel that you love me.
“Do you love me?” I asked this question and I didn’t quite get your answer. My head was swirling with big question marks when you tried to answer it. I don’t want to use my brain in trying to figure out what your answer was. I know your answer might just hurt me so I continued to use my heart and believe whatever it is that I want to believe.
I just noticed that you have been quite inconsistent. Your actions are not parallel with what you say. You taught me to enjoy life and break down all my walls. You told me to let go of my fears. Let loose all my defenses and that’s what I did.
Now, I am in love and you tell me that Love is a decision. I know. I have always told you that I believe in you. No matter how hard you try to tell me that you are just one bad person, I will always believe the opposite. I saw something good in you. I can feel your heart. I chose to feel it. That is my decision. Loving you is my decision.
Although I have thought about this for nights, I still can’t believe that I made a decision that quick. It was both my mind and my heart at work. I allowed my heart to feel then I let my mind to decide. I suppose that the decisions have always depended on me. As you can see, I have decided. I am now handing over the decisions to you.
Please don’t ask me “WHY?”. I’ll just answer your question with a simple “I don’t know where I stand. I feel like I am nowhere near you. Though I choose to be somewhere near you, we both know that I can’t float around you forever. I’m not perfect and though I don’t want this to happen but I have a tendency to break my wings and get hurt.”.
I honestly don’t want to drown alone in this feeling but it seems like I have no choice. I know that I can live life without you. I know that I will be standing alone or maybe in time I will meet someone better than you but I think my life will be better if you are in it. You are my decision.
Please don’t think that you are pressured or even forced to decide. You don’t have to if you don’t want to. I just want to let you know how I feel. I know that when I see you, I might not have the courage to tell you all these. I might forget the flow of my thoughts. I might just get rapt in your gaze.
You are very special to me. I didn't go through years of looking for you only to find out that I will lose you again. I've always thought that fate brought you back to me again but now I realize that we make our own fate. I've made my fate but telling you all these and all that's left for me to do now is to respect however way you'll make your fate.

I sincerely apologize for being this forthright. My sentiments are just taking over BUT I’D REALLY LOVE TO TRAVEL LIFE WITH YOU.

From the Traveler