I'm going to pass it tomorrow for my Theo class. One of my endless reflections. Harhar! Tell me what you think... -smiles-

Cleo A. H. BS – PSYCHOLOGY
Marriage and Family Life Mrs. D


RESUME: Love comes with pains and sacrifices but despite all these, one keeps on holding on to it because Love is a decision one makes.

“I have never met a man who didn’t want to be loved. But I have seldom met a man who didn’t fear marriage.” I find this line very true. I am now in a situation where in I am trapped in confusion. I am in love but the person I love does not want to commit his self with me (or with anyone else). This situation kept me asking myself questions like “What is lacking in me?”, “Why is he so full of defenses to the extent that he does not want to commit?” and “Does he love me?”
I remember myself years before when I thought that love is just full of passion and I just want to experience it. I’ve jumped from one relationship to another. It was either my heart being broken or I am the one breaking their hearts. Once I loved so dearly. Unluckily, our relationship didn’t work. I thought that he is the one. Everything was perfect until my whole world shattered when he had to continue his schooling abroad. Even though I felt like I was dying inside, I even pushed him to go there. I didn’t want to be selfish. We made our promises before he left. But you know how long distance relationships are such a hassle right? One day, he just gave up and from that day on, I thought that everyone’s going to give up on me. I thought that love has an expiration date. I was afraid to commit (much more get married.).
Even if I was scared to commit, I still got into several more relationships - Relationships that would last from 3 weeks to just a few months. Those relationships only destroyed my view on commitment and love. It even affected my self-esteem. I envied couples who seemed to be very happy and contented with their partners. I envied them so much that every time I’m going to blow my birthday candle, I would just wish to experience that kind of happiness and unconditional love.
Now that I’m more matured to actually understand love and its concepts, I am proud to say that I am not scared of committing myself to the person I love. It’s sad to see that some people go into relationships just because of peer pressure, sexual fever, on the rebound or just because of the fact that they don’t want to grow old alone. I’ve been impulsive almost all my life and now I am actually putting my mind and my heart in sync in order for me to grab the image of love.
Compatibility. I’ve always asked people how they know that their partners and them are right for each other. Some told me that they just felt it. That it was some sort of magic. Some said that it all started out from friendship. I honestly don’t know the answer to this one. Once I thought I’ve met my soul mate. We were so alike in a lot of ways. We laughed a lot, we were good friends, we loved each other but it simply didn’t work out. Why? It is because of pride. Now, I don’t care if opposites attract or vice versa. I think it is how willing both parties are to make the relationship harmonious. It is how decided they are to make things work between them. It is how one can lower his pride when the other is infuriated. It is how one can easily forgive (also try to forget) when one has made a mistake. It is how they help each other to bounce back to their original track.
There are times when I get too attracted to the physique that I tend to overlook what’s inside his heart and I only end up crying. The appearance of a person can be really blinding especially when he is too handsome and then I’ll learn that he likes me too. I would usually think that I am lucky. I thought that I hit cloud nine already only to find out that after a few dates, I will not be able to establish a lasting relationship with this person or the relationship eventually fails.
I’ve also encountered some people who even tried to get me drunk in order for them to get me laid. I’ve experienced a lot of wooing from guys in order for them to get me in their beds and it made me feel demoralized. I’ve always hated that feeling when they seem to see women as their past time – when they don’t take us seriously. These experiences only made me pickier of who I want to be with when I grow old.
I believe that successful marriages came from great friendships. It is because from such friendships, we learn every single detail from the people that we love. We learn to appreciate them at their best or even at their worst. We know what to do and how to deal with them when they’re caught up in their “dark” moods. We know what they love eating or even doing – just the simple details that make us appreciate a person more.
I’ve also believed that relationships should be fun. It takes us away from boredom. It gives the relationship a lift from a routine. Laughter is a good example one way that tightens the bond of a relationship and friendship at the same time. Humor serves as an ice breaker from a very serious relationship but I think that it has to be in moderation also for there has to be respect.
I noticed that in some of my relationships, we tend to be very comfortable with each other that we forget about respect. Yes, we laughed a lot and we had fun hanging out but the “respect” was forgotten that our relationship had to end. When my x (the one who studied abroad) and I were still together, we were involved in each other’s activities. We study together, we try new restaurants together, we even shared the same friends. We were so fascinated with each other that we were so dependent on each other. We sort of shut the outer world out of our lives so when the time came when he had to leave, it was very hard for me to let him go. I was tempted to be selfish. At first I didn’t want him to go (though he didn’t know that I really don’t want him to go even until now) but I just have to respect his decision. I had to respect his future. We respect each other so much that even when he was already abroad we respected each other to the extent that we allowed each other to hang out and date other people. We did not enclose each other with walls but we let each other to grow up.
I had seen commitment as something that can actually choke me. I felt that I wanted my freedom. I always tell myself that there are a lot of other (better) guys out there for me that sometimes I wanted to preserve my being single. Now, I learned that Love is a decision. I know that I love a person when I’ve actually decided that I want to be with that person – when I really want to be a part of his life. Especially when I feel that I just want to serve, understand and enlighten that person forever.
Finding the right person is the hardest part. I must admit that some people I know scold me for often dedicating my love to the (according their language) “wrong people”. Even though at times it can really be frustrating, I never look at these people that I’ve loved as the wrong ones. For me, they are all blessings. I would’ve had a different view on love if not for them. I would not be this “hopeful” to find the right person.
As I am about to end this reflection, I’ve suddenly seen my situation regarding the person I love now in another person’s view. I figured that maybe it’s not yet time for me to have a lasting relationship with him or maybe he is not the one God wants for me. I’ve suddenly seen my situation in a better outlook. I say it’ll take me a lot of time, patience or even tears before I’ll finally find the person I’m going to marry. I know I am still young but I am not afraid to share this Love to others. It’s ironic because the more that I see that the person is difficult, the more motivated I am to touch his life. I think that is what Love is all about – handing over one’s own and another’s heart to the palm of God.