My cousin from Jersey just left yesterday and he asked me to make an account in myspace. GUESS WHAT? I found out that the medical intern I've been crushing also has an account there. I saw his picture and I can now really recall what he looks like. Well... I honestly don't find him handsome or even cute. I don't like his nose and I certainly don't like his muscular body (yeah, it ticks me off!) BUT he's really friendly and he likes my mom... my mom likes him too. I have no plans of adding him in myspace. nope... no way. I'll just wait for him to find me ... errr... that is if he's ever interested in finding me! hahahah!

...Here I am again... crushing. Well, I have learned my lesson. I don't want to take these things seriously. Being single is ... fine. I can do stuff that I want... wear whatever... have more time for myself... and ... I can date lotsa people. LOL As IF!

Anyway, let's go serious.

Honestly, my life's still a mess. Though everyone sees me in a better condition... I am still a mess. I have not really learned to control myself. I'm trying to ESCAPE from me. At times, I'm still scared to be alone because for sure... when I'm left alone... my mind will wander off and I might feel the pain again. This time, I don't know the next stupid thing that I'll do. She still haunts me. She still occupies a big space in my heart and all these weeks, I have only been trying to cover it. Stupid as it may seem... but I still want to see her... hug her... and tell her that she's forgiven. It's funny... how can you tell someone that you've forgiven her when she doesn't even know that she has hurt you? mmmm.

I'm still trying to get a grip of my life. I have become very lazy ever since all these "tragic" incidents happened. I have to pull up my grades - they're so low. I am just not inspired to work hard again. All I know is I want to enjoy life... be happy. Every time I do schoolwork... it's just not the same anymore. I can't find meaning in all these that I am doing.

I'm trying though.... really hard.