Reality Check!

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Having a BAD DAY???

I had to deal with another Gina Moment a few days ago. The few minutes were just plain awful. It made me feel INCOMPETENT. It made me feel USED. It made me feel like I'm a mere walking piece grabbed to fill in an empty spot. I was sad, angered, shattered, disillusioned.

A week ago, he was saying things like he'd see me after 10 years. Then after a few days he suddenly blurted out that if Gina would show up right at that moment and Gina wants him back, he'd forget about all his issues and would choose to be with her. He said he even wrote it in his book. FUCK. Was surprised to hear it from him especially since a few minutes before he mentioned that, he was so concerned about the "restraining order".

If I am selfish, I would've asked him to f*ck the R.O. and just move on. Relationships are supposed to make you happy and secured. If you think you've done everything to save a relationship, then honey.. you gotta love yourself more and find someone who can give you the kind of love that you deserve. Break it off.

Maybe it's easy for me to say these crap because I'm out of the picture BUT I swore to myself that I'll never sacrifice my happiness for someone who doesn't truly love me. I believe in GOOD friendship as it is the foundation of a strong married life. And right now, I feel like this friendship is on the rocks.

He exerts effort to make up for the shit. I appreciate it. Thank God I studied Psychology because now I understand what's happening. In the few days that I've been hurting, I've learned to freeze this confusing emotion and just be a FRIEND.. like what I've always been.

I can't help but feel that I am a friend who probably has some similarities with Gina. I am a friend whom he can count on because he and J are not in good terms. I am a friend.

Now if you ask me, am I having a Bad Day???

No, not anymore. I've already known, accepted and defined my role in his life.

Posted by Thinker :: 5:20 AM :: 0 Comments: