Have you ever tried something that you know leads to a dead end? I guess it’s the same feeling as driving for hours without knowing your destination. In those instances, what do you opt to do? Drive until you get tired of it? Do you go home or do you choose a new destination?

Sometimes I can’t help but feel that there are no choices. It is what makes it difficult. It is a feeling of entrapment and a wave of stupid defenses. I find it ironic because I’ve been toying with freedom for quite some time. However, I can’t get a good feel of it lately. I feel like I’m driving towards nothing and no matter how much I remind myself that I am heading a dead end I am still moving in the same direction.

I am writing this now because I am angry. I need to wake up and snap out of it before I hit the end of the road. I am driving so fast I am in deep fear but I am enjoying the ride – enjoying it too much to the point of almost being bumped off the road. Swift and dangerous but I would consider this as one of the best rides I’ve ever. It is fast with a lot of twists and turns that never fail to amuse me.

I love it. It is a rush of different things and hard as it is to decide but I just have to stop myself from driving. I feel that there are no choices but I guess my head perfectly knows that there are plenty of them – some just don’t seem appealing to me. Hello REALITY.

I wish I can stay this way for quite a long time. If only I can keep driving to a dead end for the rest of my life but a dead end is plain death of a journey. I can only drive so much. I am a mere driver, constructing roads or putting up a destination is already out of my hands. I can only do so much. I can only react so much. I can only stay silent at a certain time. I guess what I’m trying to say is I am about to head the opposite direction and settle for a path that would take me to endless bliss (if that ever exists).

Funny how strong willed I sound in this musing when I know I’ll be loathing every hour that I will be off the road. Maybe this is how it should be. This fate is not solely grounded by the driver but also the one constructing the path. I can only drive for a certain time. I can only wait for a certain time and now I just want to stop waiting.

We all are drivers aiming for a destination – it may be a good career, a happy marriage or just living a good life. It takes a lot of curiosity and guts to head an unknown road or a busy highway. Who knows if you’re taking the good road? Who knows if you’ll get stuck in a traffic jam? Who knows if you’ll meet someone at the end of the road? Just make sure you’re not heading for a dead end like me.

Posted by Thinker :: 2:41 AM :: 0 Comments:

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