These words are stuck like glue in my head. I finally opened up to my best friend. It was good that I was able to draw a conclusion before sharing my thoughts to someone. At least I know that I chose that option because it was based on what I feel and not because of how others think/feel about it.

5 years ago, my bestfriend was one of the kind girls that pulled me out of depression. They are one of the many good reasons why I try to think a thousand times before diving into trouble. Sayang kasi their effort if I'll go crazy again.

5 years ago, I can hardly walk in Glorietta alone or even look at the stores because every memory of my ex was just there. They weren't just walking with me. They were guiding as I walk through the mall. Why? Because I had my head bowed down. It was that bad and I didn't mind looking like an idiot as long as I don't feel the pain.

It was that bad but I learned to value myself. I learned it from my friends. I learned it from my best friend.

Tonight, I told her about the situation that I am into. How I feel about it. As I'm telling her what has been happening, I came to understand my feelings more. Telling her the story felt like a risk. Not because she can't be trusted but because I know that she can read me like a book. She can analyze through my words and I am scared to be judged.

I like him. I like that I can be myself when I'm with him. I like what we have now -- I like our friendship. I value his presence and I appreciate the fact that he values our friendship too.

I guess it's good that we have 10 years ahead of us. It's a long time to think. I'm young and I know I'm going to meet plenty of interesting people. He's old and he has his priorities too. I think he needs to fix them first.

If I'm going to read him-- psychologically.. I think there's something wrong. He is kind but I know that he is stubborn. He is empty which is why he brags a lot. He tends to dwell on the past. There is something wrong and I can't point it out and I hope he fixes it.

It would make me very happy he gets to fix his life. Sana after 10 years, he'll be the best person that he can ever be. Tonight I can only wish him a good life. I pray that God will lead him to the right direction. That he may not hurt his loved ones with the decisions that he's going to make and that his loved ones will not be hurting him as well.

Now I sound like I'm such a good friend. Siguro minsan ka lang talaga makakita ng super good friend. SObrang good friend pwede mo nang maging soulmate. Kaso sabi ng classmate ko from highschool, ang soulmates hindi nagkakatuluyan. Siguro nga. We'll see after 10 years.

After 10 years, I might be married. I might be dead. This blog site might not be working. I don't like looking back and reminiscing about the past. I'm not so keen on that. My memory is not retentive enough (that's why I like writing). I hope I'd still be able to remember him. I want to remember this-- This night when I chose to do the right thing. This night when I chose to love and value myself more. This night when I would want to be a top priority.

I guess, I have grown. I never thought growing up can be so sorrowful.

Emo. :/