Here I am, back in the comforts of my room… still feeling “uncomforted”. There’s always this time of the year that I dreaded the most. It’s Christmas. I’ve always hated it. It is a reminder that there are vital things that are still missing in my life. These aspects that are lacking are magnified by this supposedly joyous season.

It’s funny that I have often perceived myself as an extraordinary person. Extraordinary in the sense that I had already experienced situations that girls of my age are not yet experiencing. Am I blessed because I get to learn ahead of everyone else? Or am I cursed because vicarious learning seldom occurs to me and therefore I have to experience things first hand?

I wonder why I am incapable of feeling anger. I find this inability very unfortunate because as its consequence, I bleed a lot. Worst part is they do not hear what I am not saying. My smile disguises every tear. I am someone everyone meets everyday, and yet my emotion remains to be a stranger that is tragically lost in space. If I could just hate, then maybe I will survive.

It’s a warm but cruel world and for this, I almost don’t want nobody to bring me to life. I fear their touch for it may turn into scratches that can hardly heal even through a whole lifetime. I fear to look at someone’s eyes for they might not be seeing beneath mine. I almost fear living. I have almost accepted death.

All these will be kept in silence. They’ll never see the other side of my face. They’ll never feel a single ache. They will pass me by and continue their rainbow colored lives while I hide in the darkness of my sheer misery. But then again…as I’ve always told myself… at least they’re alive.

Posted by Thinker :: 4:29 AM :: 4 Comments:

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